{"id":3594,"date":"2017-03-02T12:04:38","date_gmt":"2017-03-02T19:04:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.taterboy.com\/blog\/2017\/03\/in-zeldas-new-game-everyone-in-hyrule-is-horny-as-hell\/"},"modified":"2017-03-02T12:04:38","modified_gmt":"2017-03-02T19:04:38","slug":"in-zeldas-new-game-everyone-in-hyrule-is-horny-as-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.taterboy.com\/blog\/2017\/03\/in-zeldas-new-game-everyone-in-hyrule-is-horny-as-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"In Zelda\u2019s new game, everyone in Hyrule is horny as hell"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Mythis web<\/a> http:\/\/1u88jj3r4db2x4txp44yqfj1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/zelda-52-300×169.jpg 300w, http:\/\/1u88jj3r4db2x4txp44yqfj1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/zelda-52-768×432.jpg 768w, http:\/\/1u88jj3r4db2x4txp44yqfj1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/zelda-52-800×450.jpg 800w, http:\/\/1u88jj3r4db2x4txp44yqfj1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/zelda-52-780×439.jpg 780w, http:\/\/1u88jj3r4db2x4txp44yqfj1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/zelda-52-930×523.jpg 930w, http:\/\/1u88jj3r4db2x4txp44yqfj1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/zelda-52.jpg 1280w” sizes=”(max-width: 578px) 100vw, 578px”><\/p>\n

\n

Nintendo\u2019s new Zelda is out tonight at Midnight, and it\u2019s one of the best games ever made<\/a>. But it\u2019s also one of the publisher\u2019s randiest as well.<\/p>\n

The Legend of Zelda: Breath has a significant number of characters who express amorous feelings for Link, for fish people, or for everything else.\u00a0After dozens of hours with the massive adventure, I\u2019ve collected a few moments that prove just how strong the libido of the population of Hyrule\u00a0really is.<\/p>\n

Check it out, and\u00a0keep in mind these may contain spoilers<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Lonely Arrow Girl<\/h2>\n

\"Huh.\"<\/a>
\n\"Wow!\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In one\u00a0of Hyrule\u2019s largest villages, you\u2019ll find a book called the Journal of Various Worries where townspeople write down concerns from their life. It\u2019s like a low-tech Twitter only with fewer eggs telling you to kill yourself because you\u2019re a \u201cdegenerate.\u201d One entry from someone who calls herself \u201cLonely Arrow Girl\u201d is particularly surprising. In her message, she talks about getting her arrow nocked by the new guy in town, and how she hasn\u2019t had that done in quite some time. That is so explicit that it barely qualifies as a\u00a0double<\/em>\u00a0entendre.<\/p>\n

Paya<\/h2>\n

\"This<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a>
\n\"But<\/a>
\n\"But<\/a>
\n\"Paya<\/a><\/p>\n

While exploring Lonely Arrow Girl\u2019s village, you may also meet a lovely young girl named Paya.<\/p>\n

She is a hard working assistant to the local elder, and she begins crushing on Link the first time she speaks to him. And she only turns up the heat during followup interactions. As part of one of those conversations, she explains that her name is Paya because she has a birthmark shaped like a Papaya seed somewhere on her body. She\u2019s too shy to tell you exactly where \u2026 for now.<\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t tell Zelda about Link\u2019s friend Paya.<\/p>\n

The Gerudo\u00a0School for Kissing Boys<\/h2>\n

\"The<\/a>
\n\"Here<\/a>
\n\"Once<\/a>
\n\"I<\/a><\/p>\n

In the desert, you\u2019ll find the Gerudo village, which is a nearly all-female race of thieves (male births are extremely rare). The Gerudo do not permit men to visit their city, so they must venture out into the world to find a mate. And it turns out that these women have a school program dedicated to teaching Gerudo women how to meet, talk to, and kiss boys.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like if pickup artists weren\u2019t lame and pathetic.<\/p>\n

Zora princess Mipha + Link<\/h2>\n

\"This<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a>
\n\"She<\/a><\/p>\n

Mipha is a fish girl, but the emphasis is on \u201cgirl.\u201d You can tell that she is a woman because she wants to get with Link, just like every other female character in Breath of the Wild. That does upset some other fish people who are bigots and can\u2019t stand the thought of their princess with a Hylian elf. But Mipha and Link don\u2019t care. They are too horny to care.<\/p>\n

Sidon gets down \u2014 I mean look at the guy<\/h2>\n

\"Sidon<\/a>
\n\"All<\/a>
\n\"But,<\/a><\/p>\n

Sidon is the big hero of the Zora people, and you can\u2019t walk five feet without someone telling you how they want his dorsal fin in the worst way. And it makes sense because the dude looks like a fun time, and then you get to ride on his back. It\u2019s pretty good.<\/p>\n

The best quest in the game<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n

OK. Let me be clear about a few things. This is a pretty spoilery video, and I think you should experience it for yourself. And also what happens in this video isn\u2019t inherently sexual until several people hit on Link. But everything before that is just \u2026 well, it\u2019s the best quest in the game.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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