What Being Called the “Dead Baby Girl” Taught Me About Labels
Guest Contribution
“Let’s play a game,” my aunt said wiggling her slim body into the center of the inner tube. Six of us were floating down the Frio River during our annual family reunion?—?though walking the river would be a more accurate depiction of July in Texas.
“Let’s play, What’s Your Label!” Her excitement was equal parts enduring and annoying. I’m not a game person. I’m also not familiar with the game of labels. Yet there I was hearing myself say, “I’ll go first…”
“Dead baby girl.”
It literally leaped off my tongue into the air and landed like a thud in the water. “Definitely. Dead baby girl.”
It was a label I overheard at work.
I don’t remember who spoke next. Though everyone did as family members contributed to the game, creating a chain reaction?—?“hypocrite”… “single”… “work”… “blonde”…
It wasn’t fun. It was formative.
I had fallen prey to the lies of labels early.
It started out innocently: my parents telling me I’m good, smart, pretty, religious…before it moved to labels like I’m bossy, a know-it-all, emotional, loud…disrespectful.
I was raised wearing labels that prioritized what others saw in me. I also got pretty good at giving out labels. As an adult, these labels had become heavy and confusing.
Can you relate?
It makes sense that after decades of wearing everyones labels that as a mother (especially a mother of a dead son), I’d attract new labels. And yet this label was different.
Saying “dead baby girl” outloud shifted my insides. As soon as I said it I felt a release and an internal echo from my pounding heart, you are not the dead baby girl.
For the last two years I’ve actively practiced releasing labels?—?speaking labels’ lies outloud, moving through the painful tunnel of emotions to find love and acceptance waiting on the other end.
Now the only label I remember feeling from our floating misadventure is brave.
What label lies have you been wearing? Any bring up pain? Anger? Speak them. Let whatever emotions come up wash over you. Sit in acceptance and find love waiting. Repeat.
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